Confession part 1 – When I was about 5 years old I was shopping with my grandma at JCPenney. They used to have bins of hard candy for sale by the register. I asked for some butterscotch and she said no. She never said no. I decided in my heart that this was a mistake and that I really deserved that butterscotch. I took one. My grandma discovered my disobedience to her and my theft from the store…. The guilt and shame were awful!
I hadn’t thought about that in forever, but the LORD put it on my heart recently and I have to admit, I was perplexed as to why.
At the retreat last month we did an exercise on confession. We were to confess one thing on paper – that was all ours – we weren’t going to share it, no one was going to read it besides me and Jesus.
I wrote mine, but didn’t know what to do next. I saw it as a situation out of my control, and knew I would repeat the sin the next time it came around. That’s not repentance, the thing I’m supposed to do after my confession and his forgiveness.
I started to cry which in turn caused my mascara to melt and burned my eyes. I got distracted from the emotion and had to go wash my face. That made me laugh, but still cry. I felt like a mess inside and out.
By the time I got back we were on to the next thing. We were to confess something else to a partner (we were instructed to go with a PG confession for this). I silently asked the LORD what he wanted me to confess as I walked outside with a younger mom. As clear as day, Jesus brought up the butterscotch!
Beloved, what comes to mind as you read my story? Do you have guilt over something you did when you were little? Do you recognize the difference between conviction from the Holy Spirit and guilt from the enemy?
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Psalm 139:23-24