Life with Jesus

Life with Jesus

     July 29th, 2023 and ahhh, my friends, I have missed you during this season of grief and restoration.  

     I am just returning from my second retreat in Montana.  My first was last August.  Timmy, my brother, was hospitalized at the time with a broken femur.  It was a catalyst for his death in November.  My Aunt Katherine was surrendering to life in a care facility and would precede my brother in death by a few days at the beautiful age of 102 ½…. more than twice as much as Timmy.  My message from that retreat was “cease striving”.  Jesus knew hard things were coming.

     It has been a weird season, this cease striving season, where I had very little to say.  I have always loved writing.  It’s my prayer language.  It’s my super-power to express words that ignite the senses.   I wondered where the desire went.  I wondered if it would ever come back.  

     On retreat this year, Jesus brought me into joy… simple joy.  He showed me how to walk in nature and see him at work all around me.  He gave me things to delight in for no other reason than to confirm his love and that I am cherished.  And he woke me up, he gave me words to say, and a calling to share them.  

     You may have heard it said that being a Christian is not about religion, but relationship, a real and amazing relationship with Jesus.  It is my desire to share my relationship with him in the most transparent way I can.   I pray you are curious and that Jesus uses your curiosity in a personal and intimate way.

John 3:16  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Jesus: Judy, it’s like your wedding ring. You are married whether Kevin is with you or apart. The ring is a symbol of that. Would you like a token of some sort to remind you that I am always with you? Another ring? A tattoo? Your bracelet? Is there something you can wear to draw you back to the truth when the world blurs me out?

Me: Jesus, I’m so sorry. It’s true though.

Jesus: Judy, stop, shhhh, this is not about condemnation. It’s about helping you know I am always with you.

Me: Would you really be okay with a tattoo, Jesus? I don’t like them.

Jesus: (laughs) Then maybe you should get one, like Paul’s thorn. How about if we just start with what you already have? The bracelet you are wearing is beautiful.

Me: Thank you, Jesus, yes.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I have been given a new word for 2023, CHERISHED. I have been keeping my life simple. I have ceased striving for validity through other people, positions and even posts. But, I was not ready for “cherished”. Yet Jesus, in his gentleness, has slowly persisted in teaching me that I am worthy to be cherished.

Song of Songs 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.

We had some free time one morning, so I took a walk past the gate. I was feeling grateful for my physical being, able to walk and breathe. I thanked God for my eyes, which were able to take in the beauty all around. He gave me an experience so wonderful that I tried to capture it with words:

I am a bride. His path is adorned with flowers.

I am invited to dream. He grew a wishing flower to ignite my imagination and remind me that my asks can be as infinite as all the wishing flowers in all the world.

He goes before me. The fragrance of the forest envelops me, reminding me He is always with me.

He asks me to dance. I don’t even know why, but it sure feels good to move, skip, and twirl on the path. My smile grows. It is a wonderful thing to be loved by Jesus.

I am returning. It is uphill, and I am breathless. I stop at the edge of the shade, then will myself to press on.

The music stops. He says stop. He reminds me that he invited me here just to play. There’s nothing to hurry off to.

Psalm 68:19 Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms.

     Later that day I was again tasked with going on a lunch date with Jesus.  When I did this last year, I spent much of the time in fear of bears, wolves, murderers, snakes, ticks, poison oak or ivy or whatever they have in Montana.  I worried I might get lost on the 2000 acres I was given license to wander about.  Jesus kept assuring me he was not that kind of date, but it did take some time for me to be at ease.  

     One of my prayer requests for Trinity 2.0 was that I would not be afraid in the forest, and I wasn’t.  Jesus is real and he really cares about me.

 John 14:13 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

     You left instructions for me to come find you, bringing only my curiosity, the sack lunch and comfortable shoes.

     I went in a direction I had never considered, down where the two hills come together and the tall grass grows.

     I discovered grass laying down for a span in one area and it made me curious.  A few steps out of the resting grass I discovered animal droppings… This is how you let me know it was a place of rest for others within the vast realm of your creation.

     The walk was messy with uneven terrain, more droppings, different than the last, and fallen trees in various stages of decay.  I stopped to look up and marvel at the beauty.  When I walked, I could only look down for my careful next step.  It seemed like a metaphor for walking with Jesus.  When I am trying to control things, I have to be very careful and I miss most of the beauty.  

     A path appears.  Jesus is such a gentleman.

Isaiah 30:21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.

     My steps made a different sound on the pine needle covered dirt road.  I felt stickers poking within my shoes and tried to balance on one foot to pluck them out.  I was a clumsy sight to no one but the Lord.  He pointed to a nearby tree, where I hopped and finished clearing my socks from the intruding thorns.

     I want to go on that pilgrimage, Camino De Santiago. It is a walking trip with many starting points, ending at the shrine of the apostle James in Spain. An authentic Camino will encompass 100km (the bare minimum) to 600km. The rhythm of my steps made me think of it.  This is like a taste of it.  A question formed in my mind, “Am I capable?  What am I capable of?”

     Like I said, last year I was afraid, and this year I am not.  I am capable of being in the forest without fear.

     I think I hear running water and stop to find where it is coming from.  I discover it is not running water, but the song of the leaves dancing in the breeze.  I am grateful for their song and the breeze and the clouds that pass by offering me moments of shade on this 90* day.

     Purple wildflowers enter my view on the border of the pasture.  Thank you, Jesus, for dropping beauty here and there…. I’ve seen yellow ones and white ones that reminded me of pompoms.  Our walk is peppered with butterflies in whimsical flight.  Their lives are so short, but they seem to dance and discover the whole way through.  Jesus has a lot to teach me from them.

     There is a tree stump with new life sprouting from its core.  This is perseverance, Jesus impresses on my mind.

 Psalm 71:20  You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.

     At last I arrived at the Bitterroot River.  The temperature is cooler near it.  The sound is full and rich, much like the place I released my mothers ashes last spring.  It is a place of release.  My toes are resting on a muddy rock while the cool waters soothe me.  The sound of rushing water lulls me to silence.

     The ranch is encompassed with a barbed wire fence and signs that read PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING, but I am their guest.  I am permitted in.

Enter by the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.  Matthew 7:13-14

     Heaven will be like that.  I will enter through the narrow gate that few will find.  

     In many ways, I am walking as a citizen of heaven here and now.  Like in heaven, Jesus is with me wherever I go, but I know the best is yet to come!  One day I will take off this world of corruption and my body, full of aches and demands, as I enter into the full glory of His presence.  That is indeed cause for celebration…. ultimate celebration.

We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.  2 Corinthians 6:2